Sunday- Baking with my Ella!

On Sunday me and Ella finally got to bake our Oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies! It was fun i took pictures but i can't download my camera right now my computer is messed up. We had a blast and the kitchen was a complete mess. When i had my back turned she would pick the chips off the cookies. I said Ella stop picking the chips off she's all i wasn't it was laying on the tray. Ya right! She is sneaky! The cookies are super rich and to die for. You have got to make these.
Here is the link for the cookies. http://picky-palate.com/2011/01/06/oreo-stuffed-chocolate-chip-cookies/comment-page-6/#comment-91748
Make sure you have a big glass of milk ready! Let me know if you make them and what you thought. Spending time with Ella was the best part it didn't matter what we were good delicious cookies was just a bonus!

Darcy

Saturday's Party

On Saturday my sister threw a birthday party for my brother in law. She asked me to make something so i made pasta salad no big deal the usual pasta, tomatoes, orange peppers, green peppers, cucumber & Italian dressing. Yummy but not that big of a deal. Actually DaCota made it for me cause we were running late as usual. I also made a dessert which is definitely worth sharing. Golden Oreo peanut butter bars. This is where you can find the recipe http://tastykitchen.com/recipes/desserts/golden-oreo-peanut-butter-bars/ . Definitely a must try. Tasted like p-nut butter fudge OMG so YUMMY! What did  yo make this weekend? Anything new or exciting?
I think they were well liked they were gone very fast!

Darcy

Thursday night Dinner!

I wanted to share with you last nights dinner which was wonderful. Ranch style chicken! It was so yummy even the babies ate it. The recipe can be found here http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2009/01/ranch-style-chicken/ . I have found a lot of good recipe on her site. I have been trying to find new recipes getting burnt out on the same thing for dinner. I will continue to share whatever else i make if its good. Hope you try it and enjoy!


HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
DARCY

Banana Pancakes!

On Sunday i made pancakes and sausage & eggs for breakfest. I got all the kids started at the table eating and Brian says you could of made me Banana Pancakes! We have been listening to Jack Johnson for years on and he has a song Banana Pancakes http://youtu.be/OkyrIRyrRdY
and all these years we never tried to make Banana Pancakes not sure why but we hadn't. So i said i can make them i am gonna have to make more anyways there isn't enough for us after the kids have eaten. so........I made them and omg they were wonderful. You have to try them. I just added a cut up banana into the regular pancake mix. They tasted just like Banana Bread! YUMMY!!!!

Have a great Breakfast! 

For you foodies out there! CHICKEN SPAGHETTI

I cooked this last night and everyone loved it so i thought i would share it! Let me know if you make it and what you think!

Also remember before you drain your noodles to take out the reserve you need for the casserole before dumping all the water out!  

Ingredients

• 2 cups Cooked Chicken
• 3 cups Dry Spaghetti, Broken Into Two Inch Pieces
• 2 cans Cream Of Mushroom Soup
• 2 cups Grated Sharp Cheddar Cheese
• ¼ cups Finely Diced Green Pepper
• ¼ cups Finely Diced Onion
• 1 jar (4 Ounce) Diced Pimentos, Drained
• 2 cups Reserved Chicken Broth From Pot
• 1 teaspoon Lawry's Seasoned Salt
• ⅛ teaspoons (to 1/4 Teaspoon) Cayenne Pepper
• Salt And Pepper, to taste
• 1 cup Additional Grated Sharp Cheddar Cheese

Preparation Instructions

Cook 1 cut up fryer and pick out the meat to make two cups. Cook spaghetti in same chicken broth until al dente. Do not overcook. When spaghetti is cooked, combine with remaining ingredients except additional 1 cup sharp cheddar.

Place mixture in casserole pan and top with remaining sharp cheddar. Cover and freeze up to six months, cover and refrigerate up to two days, or bake immediately: 350 degrees for 45 minutes until bubbly. (If the cheese on top starts to get too cooked, cover with foil).

Where have all the good people gone...........

I am a strong believer in paying it forward and random acts of kindness. So this morning after 1-1/2 hours of sleep i get in my van to catch my 5:17am train. My van is on empty so i am praying to make it to the gas station before i run out. I get to the gas station run my card it says see cashier. I go inside then the clerk  runs it again and says its declined. I am so confused i know we have money. I say can i just write a check he says no we don't take checks. Are you kidding me? So i walk back to my van freaking out i need to get my train. I definitely don't have enough gas to get to train station. I ponder on what to do so finally i get out and explain to a man what has happened and if he could help me. He looked at me and said NO. Okay thanks i am already humiliated by even doing this. So i have no other choice to try again everyone can't be heartless. I am thinking in my head i have helped people in this same situation and never thought twice about it. So here i go ask again NO sorry. UGH okay now here comes the tears. How can people be so heartless. I was telling them i would write them a check even. So i see a girl i ask her NOPE! I am now balling. I can't believe i am out here doing this and NO ONE will help me men or woman. Are you serious!  After the 5th person i was done! I called my dad and explained what happen and he came and helped me. I was seriously in shock i couldn't believe no one would help me. I was in my uniform shirt from work. i had a check book with my id i wasn't drunk LOL and no one would help me. What has this world come to? I was disgusted! I hope my kids never need help and if someone else does need help i hope they use caution and also their heart! I mean 5 bucks isn't much but it may have gotten me to the train on time. Yes i missed my train. So that was the start to my Friday i hope my weekend gets better. I hope i play on each and everyone of those peoples minds today and it bothers them that they were so heartless! Hope no one ever ends up in that situation. Have a great weekend everyone!

hmmm

Truth is, I get jealous easily because what's mine is mine. I'm stubborn

as hell, I say sorry too much. I act like I don't give a fuck because I

care too much. I over analyze the smallest of things and

probably come off as a bitch to simply guard myself.

falling into place!

Things are slowing falling into place. I have to from this point on just go with the flow of things. I have three beautiful children to worry about and take care of. I can no longer sweat the small stuff. My beautiful niece Erin's boyfriend Dom just left for Iraq and I will be strong and there for her and my beautiful goddaughter Kaliya. I made a promise to Dom to take care of them and i will not let him down. There is obviously bigger things going on then stupid drama out there. Erin will not see her boyfriend and Kaliya not her daddy for a year while he is off fighting for his/our country. That is more special then any stupid crap! My sister and I are getting closer and i like it. I am who i am and i am sorry if that is a problem. My Cousin Angel says you can't please everyone all of the time. Be who you are and do for yours. I will continue to be me because i think most people like who i am and who i have become. I can't change the way i am. I am a very affection person and my family and friends are very close. We greet each other with a hug and a kiss and exit the same way. That is how i was raised and will raise my children to have the same respect for people. I like to be me but not everyone likes me or the way i am. That's okay and i am okay with that. I have to be! I will just continue to be me for those who love me like i am. I have reunited with some grammer school friends and i love it. I have lost some friends along the way or just get so busy in everyday life that you lose touch. I have had some friends forever since grammer school and wouldn't change it for the world. I love my friends and love to be there for them if they need me. Life is what it is and I will continue to roll with the punches! Hope everyone is have a great day! Love ya

Because things happen............

So many things happen in our lives and we ask why? And we usually never get the answer or understand why? But i am one of the strongest believers in everything happens for a reason weather we like it or not, understand it or not. It's life! I have had my fair share of whys, why me, why us, how could this happen, what did i do to deserve this? But it the end weather i like it or not it happen for a reason. Sometimes we find out why it happen and it makes more sense sometimes we never do. For the longest time i asked myself what did i do to deserve this about DaCota's sperm donor. How could this happen to me. How could he be this way to his Son his only son. I didn't get it for the longest time. For ever it was me and DaCota and that was it. We managed the two of us all alone. I would raise him to be the best man he could possibility be and i would try to be the best mom for him. I believe we did okay but still felt sad for him that he didn't have a dad. A guy to show him guy things. But he had my dad and and i had girlfriends who had husband who treated him well. I eventually met Brian and it all made sense. We went threw what we went threw so we could met Brian and I could be loved and happy and DaCota could have a dad. Took a long time to understand that WHY but it was worth it. A little over a year ago we looked at a place to rent. A five bedroom house nice big yard. Everything was great loved love loved the house. We asked okay we want it we have the money now what do we do. He said well let us talk about it and we have other people coming to look at it. (sad) okay..........Within a couple hours i get a call from him while working out at the ymca i answer all out of breath hehehe. He said the house is ours we can stop by after and pay the deposit and first months rent. Yay!!!! So excited we go kids love the house we pay everything great we should be moving in a couple weeks. The guy was still doing some repairs to the house which was fine by us we needed to pack anyways. A couple days later the man calls to tell us he found someone to buy the house and he would be mailing our money back to us. UGH.... Devastated. I couldn't believe this was happening to us. The house was perfect for us. Everything about it was perfect. WHY??? HOW??? Just couldn't believe this was happening to us. We continued to look for more house but nothing compared or had enough room for all of us. So we stopped looking out of frustration after awhile. Well as much as we were heart broken and could not understand for the life of us what we had done to deserve all this bad luck today we understand! Three months ago we bought out first house. My mother-in-law kept on us about this house. It was a five bedroom on over an acre she swore it was just perfect for us. I swear she must of brought the flier over to us four times. We just like yeah yeah yeah we can't buy a house right now. We just can't. So one night we were out driving around and for the hell of it drove by it and pulled in drive way. I was like ugh it's square no peeks. So we peeked in the windows were we could. So my mother-in-law had told me call see if they have a rent to own option. So i called and asked and the Realtor Judy Fisher answered. I asked if there was a rent to own option she said well anything is possible why don't we set up an appointment so you see it. Well......okay! So we did. We walked in and DaCota kept punching me omg omg omg can we have it mom? lol I was the same way. I loved it. So we Judy was like what is the problem with buying it. Well........our credit blah blah blah. She said call this guy Rob Rudd he can help you with that. Then we can go from there. Well I called Rob and talked to him over the phone gave him what he needed. He called back said i need to you to call me when you have about 20 minutes to talk i said okay i will call you on my way home. That's an hour ride. So i did and with 20 minutes we were approved to buy the house. I couldn't believe it. This had to be a dream. I couldn't wait to go home and wake up Brian and tell him. (He had gone out and did snow at 1:00am so he was at home sleeping). The next month flew by and we were home owners! It was so crazy! I still can't believe it. So there is the answer to my WHY we didn't get the house we wanted to RENT because instead we were getting better a year later HOMEOWNERS! I have been pregnant 9 times yes 9 times. I have delivery 3 full term babies. Probably one of the hardest things to deal with was losing babies. There is no answers anywhere except from the man upstairs. The doctors didn't know why it was happening. I had DaCota 13 years ago and Ella 10 years later & Kayden 18 months after that. My last two babies have health issues and so maybe the babies i lost had worse health issues and god new it would be too much to handle. I am not sure. With that it was hard and very sad. I was mad i wanted more babies so bad. Dealing with the loss was hard but i had to tell myself things happen for a reason and god has a plan for me. And he did he gave more two more babies with are wonderful. The best part of my dad is when i go to the sitter to pick them up and they run as fast as they can screaming mama to me. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't change any of it for anything. Maybe the other babies wouldn't of been able to run. Maybe delivering one of them would of took my life and i wouldn't have what i have now. I don't really know the answers to the whys on that one. But i have become okay with it. I get sad and wonder how old they would of been now or how would they be similar to the babies now would they look like them? But again it's life and i don't always have control over what happens. I am busy in my life now and love it and have accepted that it was God's plan to do whatever he wanted. My oldest is now 13 wow 13! He is busy has a bunch of friends playing every sport pretty much a great kid except for the teenager attitude that comes out. I have two step daughters also Riley & Morgan. They have a Mama in their lives but i am blessed to be a part of their lives. Two the knowlegde and advice can't be a bad thing can it. I hope they learn something from me and take it with them in their own lives. They are learning to be young ladies from two completely different Mamas. I have had the pleasure of getting to know some people on facebook threw one thing or another. Not everyone's story is a white picket fence perfect! Things happen to people everyday! People loss loved ones unexpectedly with no answers to their WHYS. So keep in mind someone is always going threw something somewhere wondering WHY! Threw my journey of life so far i have learned a lot. It has made me who i am today. The good the bad the great the hard all of it has made me who i am today. We learn something everyday. We try everyday to be better for the people in our lives. I don't know Ryan & Shanna Marsh who's daughter Layla passed away from Cancer personally but that little girl chanced me as a Wife, Mama & friend. I let them know i think of them often. I don't know Kelli & James Staats who's Daughter Maddie passed away from SIDS. But it broke my heart to read there story. I felt horrible for that family. I let them know i think of them often and that Ella wears big bows for Maddie. I don't know Mellisa Jones Personally. I bought a Layla Grace Tutu from her shop little Diva tutus to Support the Marsh family and their Layla Grace Cancer research foundation. Her Son Zach recently committed Suicide. I can't even begin to imagine how Mellisa and the rest of the Jones family feels. I stop by Mellisa's page and send her some encouraging words from time to time and to let her know i am thinking about her and the family. She is now trying to educate people on Suicide. All three of these family have went threw one of the hardest things a family goes threw to lose a child! And with that have turned around and are now trying to educate, find cures, inform people of the evil thing that took away their babies. All i know is life is full of things that for the life of us we don't understand why they happen but it all happens for a reason. Everything in my life had made me who i am today and i am okay with that!

Ella's Surgery

As if i was nervous enough already i didn't need anything to make me more nuts. So Ella was scheduled for surgery yesterday. They told me i would receive a phone call from the hospital telling me what time we needed to be there the day before. So 2:00pm rolls around and i haven't heard from them so i take it upon myself to call and find out what time we needed to be there. I am one of those people i need things in order and need to know. No last minute crap for me. So i call and they tell me well they are just starting to make the calls you should hear something soon. Okay well i am already on the line you can just tell me now. NO you will be getting a phone call. OK fine! So 6:00pm rolls around and nothing. I have not heard a word from the hospital so i call again well they are closed! Well at least the reception people i guess. So i am not in a panic. Surely i dialed wrong or something i call several more times and nothing. So i called the Dr's office and explain my situation and she says hold on puts me on hold and then transfers me to the same recording telling me they are closed. UGH!!! So i call back and explain my situation again and say please don't transfer to this recorded message that they are closed! So i finally get a human to talk to who tries real hard to help figure out what time her procedure is scheduled for. She fines Ella in the system and say it's scheduled for 8:15am. Okay great she knows nothing else and says i guess you should try to be here at least an hour before. Don't eat or drink anything after midnight. okay that part i new. She tells me when i get up to try calling them again. So i do and what do you know they don't open till 8:00 am are you SERIOUS???? Well whatever we get on the road start our drive we get to the surgery center it's locked/closed WHAT????????????? This can't be happening! So i again start calling and getting stupid recording and finally call the Dr's office again explain my situation over AGAIN. Finally i get someone to open the door at the surgery center to only find out surgery is no longer done there. You have got to be kidding me right? Okay well.............where am i suppose to go? I am now heated and have a Baby who wants a cup! The very nice helpful lady calls around FOREVER trying to find out and finally we need to go to another surgery center because the surgery center was bought by someone else and now the procedures are being done there. UGH!!! But no one decided to tell me this. Can't wait to get that how did we do survey! You'll be sorry! Finally we get there only to find our Ella's appointment somehow has been canceled. OH HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! So they have no idea how she got canceled or anything but will still do the surgery. So they take her back we do paper work and everything she is doing great. Talking to the nurses and everyone telling her how beautiful she is and how much they LOVE her big flower Ba-bet(barrette). Then the anesthetist walks in yeah not so happy anymore. I think he was just scary and had a heavy accent. The eyes welded up and so did mine. It is so heart wrenching to watch your baby scared or sad and crying. So normally they give the kids this drink of medicine which makes the sorta loopy so when they have to leave Mama and Daddy they don't freak out. Well the medicine takes about 45 minutes to kick in and now they don't have time so needless to say she was balling and so was i when they had to take her away from us. We went in the waiting room and i stared at the clock waiting for them to call us and tell us everything was okay. There was this man in there all loud in everyone's business i wanted to just throw something at. So finally after what seemed like forever they called Ella's name and i jump up and turn to walk towards the desk and for whatever reason thought i was on the end seat and i wasn't. WHAM!! right into the row of chairs ya that hurt a bit. So they were letting us know she was out of surgery and sleeping in recovery and they would call us when she woke up. I had to use the bathroom the whole time but didn't want to leave Ella for a second or miss anything. So i held it till that point. Once i new she was out and in recovery i decided to go to the bathroom before i peed me pants. Of coarse when i go into the bathroom the Dr. came out and talked to Brian just my luck. He told him everything went well and she needed to see him in a couple weeks. THANK GOD FOR ANSWERED PRAYERS! Ella finally woke up and we got to go back and see her. When we got back there she was drunk licking a Popsicle. She was still very out of it but cried as soon as she seen us. and yes so did I. She just wanted to go home and sleep and watch her new Bambi movie she said. So we finally got to dress her and take her home. She slept the whole way home until we where three house from home and stuck by a train. The train blew and woke her up. WOW i guess her hearing is better because she couldn't ever hear the train. So home we went and she is doing fine. I want to thank all of you for the thoughts and prayers for Ella and her family yesterday. We needed it and they were answered thank you all so much. You sometimes forget how many people you really have in your corner till you ask for help! Thanks again! Love Darcy & Ella!

My Wedding!

So here is my wedding story for those who care!
Let's see where do i begin. The wedding September 13th 2008. We decide to move the first of September. So we had been packing and moving labor day weekend (no cookouts for us) busy busy busy. Well Ella got sick. She caught the flu from her sisters earlier in the week. By Tuesday the 2nd she had been sick with throwing up the poops and a fever for over a week. So we take her to the doctor. He says yes she has the flu give it a few more days she should kick it by then. She has no immune system so it's gonna take her longer. Okay fine! Well she gets worse instead of better fevers get higher & higher. By Thursday night she has 104.7 fever i have her in a cold tub nothing is working. She stopped eating earlier in the week. So Friday morning take her to the doctor he takes one look at her and admits her in the hospital which we stay for a week. Mind you we were moving and still were not done. So Brian had to work, visit us. and finish moving us. We should had already been out by the first this is now the 5th. Oh Yeah and i am getting married the 13th! So Ella gets worse while in there she is so dehydrated and 105.5 fevers. They are taking blood, running tests she has an IV. I am going nuts cause i have no idea what is wrong with my baby and neither do they. She is so dehydrated they can't even get any blood to come out of her. No where and they tried several places. As a mom it was horrible to watch my baby that miserable and in that much pain & have no way to help her. So finally they figure out that from having the flu she got a urinary track infection. And those of you who have had them no how painful they are. But imagine my baby she can't tell me what hurts. So finally after they start the antibiotics she still is not responding. She is still running high fever and not eating.She never ate the whole time we were there. Well on Wednesday she had been fever free for almost 24 hours so they let us go. She still was not eating. Oh yeah my wedding is now in 3 days. I still have stuff to do and get. UGH!!!! So we had rehearsal on Friday in the rain. Oh yeah it's raining raining horrible. Did i mention my wedding is outside and so is my reception! So we do rehearsal in the rain. Still running around trying to get last minute stuff. We wake up Saturday morning to my basement is flooded. I am sucking water out of my basement on my wedding day. Are you kidding me? This can't really be happening. Oh but it is. Oh well what yeah gonna do. Oh yeah i bought a tanning package to tan and spent $70 to tan and lotion and tanned three times. Yup three times. The first time for 12 minutes so i wouldn't burn. Then next time the guy put it on for 20 minutes i burned all the hell so i couldn't tan for a while. Then Ella went in hospital so i couldn't! Then got out an tanned in a stand up for 12 minutes and burned my armpits. YUP!!!! Okay so that morning trying to get ready! Myself and the kids and Brian is there to. So i get his clothes out for him. So he can do his thing and get ready. Oh yeah it stopped raining for a few hours i was so happy i am thinking oh yeah we can do this it's actually gonna stop and we can get threw this. On the way to the beach about 5 minutes before we get there it starts pouring. Yes Valpo got 12 inches of rain and i got married in it. On the beach in the pouring rain i got married. Your wedding is a day not to be forgotten well i don't think i will ever forget my wedding ! So whatever we are drenched! We couldn't take pictures on the beach cause it was pouring rain. Oh yeah Morgan's dress brakes in the middle of the ceremony. I had to give her Ella's like a shirt cause she had shorts on under hers so my baby had to be naked. Why i have no idea. The elastic broke and the dress just starting falling apart in front of my eyes. A man and his stupid dog were at the beach and while we were taking pictures the man let his dog go and he jumped on me and Brian with his muddy paws in our white clothes. YUP!!!!!! Still wonderful! Our reception the tents are flooded! The grass looks like a pond! Kids are muddy and playing with worms. So the food is good the music great. The ALCOHOL the best. We dance we talk we have a great time. My cake oh yeah the cake basically just disintegrated. All the humidity ruined my cake.

Okay the wedding is over! A lot of people couldn't make it because of all the flooding which sucked. We go on our honeymoon a much needed and over due getaway. We went to Tennessee it was wonderful. We hiked and rest we drank we ate it was wonderful. Just what we both needed. A week away with zero responsibilities. I was worried about Ella though with just getting out of the hospital how she would do. So anyhow it's over and time to come back to reality. My mom says did you forget something for the wedding? I said no i don't think so. We forgot to put out the favors. YUP! So we have boxes full of matches with our names & wedding date and cute flip flops or a hibiscus. OH WELL! Oh yeah and Brian wore my dads shirt for the wedding and my dad wore Brian's. OH well! It's over with. I am now married and on to the rest of life. Love Darcy Baros!

Our Big Move........

This Saturday we will make our big move to our new house. I am so excited/nervous! Silly i know right? But we have waited so long for something to call our own i still just can't believe it is happening. All the work isn't done but as i have been hearing all the work will NEVER be done. DaCota, Riley, Morgan & Ella's room's are done. Ella still needs her new bedding it's so expensive. UGH!!! Our room and Kayden's room have not been touched yet. They both still need to be painted. I am unsure what i want to do in Kayden room or our room for that matter. But they are livable now so i will wait till i find something i like. My kitchen still needs paint. Both bathrooms are done. Rec room (kids hangout) is done also. Living room needs paint. Dining room half done needs new tile paint is done. It's all so much i am exhausted. Work all day at work then home to the house to work again all night. It will be much easier to work on it once we are in it little by little instead of dragging the babies in and out everyday without all there comforts of home. We are excited this will start a new chapter in our lives. Our OWN chapter and boy oh boy am i looking forward to it. We have an acre and there is no landscaping at all so its basically a blank pallet for us to do what we want. I am excited about that for sure. I love flowers and landscaping so that is exciting for me. I always wanted to plant a lilac tree under Ella's window. I wanted it for the smell. Daddy wanted it for the thorns. I had a lilac tree in my yard when i was growing up and remembered always picking them and putting them in small glasses of water the house always smelled so wonderful. She loves to pick flowers(weeds) for all the time. Her room is on the second floor now so not sure how that will work but i will still plant one. We met some of our neighbors and one has small kids like Ella & Kayden and the other has a 13 & 8 yr old so that works for the older kids. Hopefully they are decent neighbors. They are not right on top of us anyways we have a bit of land. I am just tickled pink about it all. I can't wait to have holidays at my house. I love family and love us all together and i finally get to do it in my house my way.It's the little things that make me happy. My kids having friends being able to come over and hang out, sleepovers! I can't wait to have everyone over to see the new place! This is truly a blessing for Brian & I & the kids. This has been a great year for us so far. I hope everyone else is having a great year also!

Because i have to............

I would much rather sleep in then get up at 4:00am. I would much rather snuggle with my husband a little longer then get up at 4:00am. I would much rather stay in bed when Ella crawls in MaMa can i sleep with you? Please!!!! I would much rather make my kids breakfast then pack their bag for the sitter at 4:00am. I would much rather watch all those annoying cartoons then be at work. I would much rather be home when the kids get home from school and make them a snack then be on a train on my way home from a very long day. My day starts early! I am a wife, a full time employee, a full time Mama. The first part of my day starts at 4am and ends about 4pm if i am lucky. The second part of my life starts at 4:05pm and usually ends no where around where it should. I know a lot of my friends this is their life also. It's hard! But we work because we have to. We have to contribute. Because we want to give our families the best we can. I am not sure most of the time how i juggle what i do. Everyday life is hard sometimes most times. Don't get me wrong i wouldn't trade it for anything! Well.........I can't say if i won some Massive amount of money life would be a little easier and i would be sleeping in. But it's hard to work full time and take care of your personal business 9-5 stuff while your at work. By the time i get home everything i need to take care of is closed! I am having a hard time! I am feeling very overwhelmed lately and i miss my kids. I want so much to stay home and play with them and be with them and love them. It's always so busy i feel like i never have ENOUGH time with them. That is one of the hardest feeling to deal with! That you don't have ENOUGH time with your kids. I want to be there i want to see every detail of everyday of every moment of their lives. But i can't and it's hurts. You don't know what that feeling is like unless you live it. And if you live it you know how bad it hurts! One of the hardest things for me is when Ella wakes up in the morning before i leave and says Mama please stay home with me today................PLEASE ugh that is absolutely HEART-WRENCHING for me. It brakes my heart to tell her No Bell MaMa has to go to work. But why??????? So Mama can buy you all those things you point out on TV you want. OH okay..... Heart braking i tell ya heart braking. But i do it because i have to.

My little Girl....

I absolutely love love love this song. It's by Jack Johnson! I love him can't wait to see him again.

"My Little Girl"

Hey little girl
You might not know this song
This is not the kind of song
That you can sing along to
Hey little girl
Maybe some day
At least that’s what all the good people will say

Hey little girl
Look what you’ve done
You’ve gone and stole my heart
And made it your own

You’ve gone and stole my heart
And made it your own

Hey little girl
Look what you’ve done
You’ve gone and stole my heart
And made it your own

Hey little girl
Black and white and right and wrong
Only live inside a song
That I will sing to you
You don’t ever have to feel lonely
You will never lose any tears
You don’t have to feel any sadness
When you look back on the years

How can I look you in the eyes
And tell you such big lies
The best I can do is try to show you
How to love with no fear
My little girl
You’ve gone and stole my heart
And made it your

You’ve stole my heart
And made it your

What's happening...............

We have been working non-stop at the new house. It's getting there. We have had a lot of help from friends and family with i am so thankful for. Me and my sister went to storage and emptied stuff out of there what a joke. It's so packed in there trying to get around was a chore. But we managed to get a van for and we laughed our butts off the whole time which was well worth it. I don't get to spend a lot of time with my sister so it was nice. DaCota's room is Valpo green, Ella's room is Tu-Tu pink how appropriate & green. Riley's room is orange. Morgan's is having pink but it's not painted yet. Kayden's room & our room is on first floor & hasn't been touched yet. I pick the color for my kitchen which has a coffee theme. It's being painted a Carmel color. My sister said it's the color of what may have come out of Kayden's diaper at one time but oh well! Our water softener is installed thanks to my brother-in-law George! YAY!!!!!!! What a life saver he was. Sunday didn't go as smooth. Riley came home from a sleep over which she informed me she feel down the stairs and hurt her fingers. Her pinky finger & ring finger looked a bit messed up. We left the minute she came home to run to kohls while my dad was painting ceilings so the kids wouldn't be in his way. With in an hour her finger swelled 50x worse. I took her to the hospital and after 3 hours she has a broken finger. Did i mention that she was at a sleep over sliding down stairs on sleeping bags? So when we get back to the new house i asked DaCota to put something together for me. He was mom do we need this box i was all no you can brake it down. Well i am in Ella's room painting and all of a sudden i hear DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i run out the room to see DaCota and Morgan going down the stairs on the cardboard box. I am all I just spend 3 hours in a hospital with your sister for a broken finger for the same thing! UGH!!!! These kids. On top of it Ella & Kayden was to go down the stairs also on the box. ugh no! I have video i will post. Never a dull moment! So that is my update on the house! I will be glad when we can move in!

Things to say.........

So it's been awhile since i have blogged not because i don't want to but i have just been super busy. I write this morning with some what of a heavy heart. Yesterday someone i know posted a link to a blog (all because two people fell in love). I read the blog and instantly felt so sad for this family who just lost their 4 month old daughter Maddie because she stopped breathing. They were asking everyone to wear BIG bows for Maddie as they laid their Daughter to rest. I of coarse had no problem doing that as Ella has tons of BIG bows. I shared the link i my page and in the back of my head just wondered why what happen as of coarse Maddie's parents are wondering that same thing.

 

 

For Maddie

A while back another friend of mine introduced me to the Layla Grace story which i know many of you followed. I followed that story and prayed for that family and Layla too. That story touched my heart and i think of Layla Grace on a regular bases. It bothered me that Layla went to play with the Angels i was having a hard time with it and got paranoid about my own daughter. The Marsh family touched my heart and made me a better wife, mother, friend. I will forever be grateful for the Marsh family sharing their Daughter Layla with all of us.

I read these stories and feel sadness for these families and ask WHY as so many other do.
Stories like this make me want to stay home with my kids but like so many of us i can't. There is bills to pay, kids to feed & clothes the list goes on & on. Life hasn't always been easy but no one ever promised it would be. I have never been the emotional over sensitive one i just dealt with the hand given and moved on. Then i had Ella and all that changed. Ella didn't come so easy though. She was our fourth try on babies and it wasn't easy. It was very emotional i wanted more babies so bad and after disappointment after disappointment was taking a toll on me and my relationship with Brian. Finally Ella made it and not having her 4 days we received that phone call that put the biggest pump in my throat ever. My baby has Cystic Fibrosis! She has WHAT????? I had heard of CF but had no clue what it did or what it caused. I was sick insistently. I remember Brian walking in and seeing me in tears white as a ghost and me trying to tell him what was wrong. He was on the computer in a second looking it up. I could tell by his face it wasn't good. So after finally getting my baby girl there was now something wrong you have got to be kidding me. So it was trips to specialist and tests and more tests. It sucked waiting for the results days after days and not being able to feed her certain formulas she couldn't hold down anything. We were taking her in on a daily bases just to be weighed. For months we were scared and unknown what was going to happen or what we were going to have to do. She is now 3 and doing just fine. She is sick a lot but we manage. We have also been blessed with Kayden. We waited for that dreadful phone call that he too would have cystic Fibrosis because it's a gene thing with the parents. We chose not to get tested and play the blame game and i wanted more babies. So we sat back waited for the phone call we just new we would get about Kayden and yes it came but he didn't have it. He instead has Galactosemia WHAT???? Again here we go i was prepared for the CF i need what would be in store for us. Not Galactosemia what the heck is that? So back to specialist and test for Kayden. We have it under control. Kayden also is NON-Verbal so we are learning to sign with Kayden thanks to his awesome therapist Laura.

So.........Life isn't always a bowl of cherries and things will probably not go your way more then not. But it's life! We deal with it as it comes things can ALWAYS be worse.

I have learned to have alot more patience then i ever did. My friend Wendy ALWAYS has said good things come to those who wait. I have never in my life met a more patient or positive person. She has seen her fair share of sadness that's forsure but always remained strong and positive. I always hoped when i had kids i would be the kind of mother she is. I remember one time Wendy was on the phone with one of her kids and he had broke something and instead of  her yelling & screaming at him she in this small sweet voice said "i am very disappointed in you and we will deal with this when i get home. I was like WOW i would of never been able to do this. But i have tryed and will continue everyday to try. That is all we can do. Now she may have beat him when she got home i don't no! LOL just joking! Thanks Wendy for always being you! You have inspired me to always try to be the best person i can possibly be. I am so happy for Wendy because she finally married her kindergarden sweetheart after many years of patience.

Another line that has stuck with me since learning of the Marsh family was when Shanna marsh wrote about she would give anything to have Layla "helping" her with the dishwasher which she had previously complained about it taking forever because Layla had the "HELP". Another one of those moments you cherish your kids even though it may take 1/2 to unload the dishwasher. I learned to not rush my kids off so much because i am BUSY. All that crap will still be there tomorrow waiting to be taken care of.

The older i have gotten the more i realize i just don't have time for the crap! I don't have time for people who say their your friend to your face and behind your back they are talking crap. I am to old for that. My kids play that stupid crap now being 13 and 12. I am to old and to busy to worry about that kind of stuff. I don't play those games. I feel like i am a good friend and try to help out wherever & whenever possible. But i feel like that is a two way street. I help i help i help i need help oh sorry i can't! Yeah! I don't like two-faced people. Don't be nice to me just because you need something. I am human and i have feeling. I think it's crap when people do things or play games to intentional hurt your feeling. Like your nobody. So i have decided i just don't need people with negative crap in my life. People like that just cause issue all the way around. They don't realize how many people can be affected by there bull crap. So it's easier and better to not have people like that in your life.


My husband.........I love him dearly and probably don't give him all the credit he deserves. He works and provides for us(his family). He is at home all the time with us not out at some bar. So he wants to watch tv instead of sitting on the floor playing candy land is that really so bad? Sometimes i have a tendency to forget he works physically hard at work outside in the cold, snow, rain, heat whatever it may be his job is outside. Either its getting up at 130-2 in the morning to go push snow for 13 hours or days at a time.Or going to your regular job it's physically a lot harder then mine. So you don't want to play dress up with Ella or paint or babydolls, blocks whatever it may be. I understand! He is at home with us and he does things with us and a family we take trips go places see things. So .........i am grateful for everything he does. He is a great husband and good father. He is always there for us when we need him!

We are less then 4 days away from closing on our house! It has been a long time coming. He have had the worst luck with getting a house and it's finally here. Good things come to those who wait! (right Wendy)
I couldn't me more excited/nervous about this step in our lives.I never thought is would get here.

So i guess my reason for blogging today is that i am grateful for my life, my kids, my husband & my true friends.Life is what we make it. There will be bad days but there will be great days also. The people in our lives are because we choose them to be there. You will have disagreements with friends and family but it will work out if they are meant to be in your life. You will loss touch with friends but it doesn't mean they don't miss you or think about you from time to time and a phone calls usually charges all that. You will decide that certain people in your life just shouldn't be there and you will end friendships or what you thought were friendships. I hope i teach my kids about everything life is going to throw at them. I hope one day they will remember something i said or tought them when put in a situation. I hope i have been a great friend to my friends and great mom to my kids and and wonderful wife to my husband! 


Have a great day!
Darcy